Author: eliotsappingfield

At PILSSRTA we pride ourselves on our rigorous admission standards. We proactively offer educational learning opportunities based on:

• Observed academic and theoretical mental capacity factors
• Natural abilities
• The occasional hunch

Because of these rigorous standards, we regret that we are unable to offer open applications for admission.

To put it another way: don’t call us, we’ll call you.

If you have questions regarding admission or wish to be notified about updates, complete the contact form HERE. Notice: subscribing to this list may also entitle you to other offers or information about books, appearances, giveaways, etc. You’ve been warned.

Due to our rigorous security standards, drop-in visits by prospective students and parents are strongly discouraged. If you feel the need to visit and do not wish to be strongly discouraged to death, simply drop us a line.

A friendly staff member will get back to you as soon as possible, or much, much later than that, to arrange a security screening and to discuss our mandatory liability waiver, our astronomical visitation fees, and scheduling.

Saturday 4:00 PM: Accelerator Golf Tournament (note: high-impact protective equipment required for participants and spectators).

Monday 6:00 PM: Volleyball Regular Season Game 14, Malaria Mosquitoes vs. False Vacuums.

Tuesday (all day): Students enrolled in Electronic Combat class will be attacked when they least expect it as part of their midterm exam. Be prepared.

Tuesday 3:42 PM: Geolocation Team practice will be held about 31,000 inches south-southwest of the administration building.

Thursday 4:00 AM: Tactical Gardening Semifinals (curfew waiver required).

Friday 6:30 PM: Football.

Saturday 10:00 AM: The PILSSRTA Lockpicking club regular meeting will be held inside the vault of the Central Iowa Credit Union (AKA the Interplanetary Economics classroom).

Next month: The Urban Camouflage class will be hosting a field trip to the DiPiney mall. If you wish to attend, enroll in class today!

• The Contrarian Society is looking for new members who do not want to join our club. If you do not want to participate, or feel like you do and want to get in an argument about it like some dumb know-it-all, message Allison Curie or Ultraviolet VanHorne and give them a piece of your mind.
• For Sale: portable tritium reactor. Slightly damaged, but still in working order. Will trade for collectible comic books, mechanical keyboard, or potassium iodide tablets. Email Tom Gillman for details.
• The The School Drama Club is happy to announce auditions for our upcoming production of Was it Tomorrow Yesterday? an original play dealing with themes of temporal confusion written by our very own Bob Flobogashtimann. Auditions are being held in the Fournier Street Veterinary Hospital Friday and Saturday from 5-6 PM. Bring a stopwatch and an hourglass.
• Lost: 1962 Volkswagen Beetle. Answers to “Rosalind”. Call Mr. Dolphin with any information. Meager reward.
• The French and Protolatin clubs will meet for our annual mixer and potluck dinner next Wednesday from 5-8 PM. Cook up your best Éclairs, Crepes Suzette, or Gallium Bismuth Cobbler and get ready for some awkward socializing!
• Do you enjoy interpretive dance? Do you spend hours thinking about how subatomic particles interact? If you said yes to both, you’re just who we’re looking for! The Theoretical Physics Dance Club is seeking new members! Contact DeShawn Foster for more information.
• Wormhole Repair! Cheap! Punctual! Experienced! Inexpensive! Message Tectella Deteusta to schedule your free diagnosis and estimate!
• Volunteers needed! The Remedial Hacking study group seeks willing individuals to participate in our social engineering workshop as potential victims. Skepticism discouraged. Contact Hypatia Theodolphus with questions or if you wish to volunteer.

Visit our administrative page if you wish to post an announcement, or review previous announcements.